Headline of the Day: Threats To Male Genitalia, Part II

pacuA few weeks ago I posted a Headline of the Day installment, featuring an article in British newspaper/website The Guardian, with the cringe-inducing headline: Penis transplant patient to become a father

Well, I don’t know what it is with British newspapers, but they seem to have a very specialized interest in threats to male genitalia, evident by this latest cringe-inducing headline from another UK newspaper/website:

Testicle-munching fish species found in US lake

The Telegraph

OWIE!!!!!!!!!

You gotta love the drama they’re reaching for here:

A species of fish best-known for attacking human testicles has apparently invaded America.

It’s an invasion!!! Protect your reproductive organs! Run!!!

LOL!

And could they have picked a better photo to accompany the article? I think not! Coupled with the following bit of information, it makes for a very effective argument that men should avoid these fish at all cost!

I know I will!

“The pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite, there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles bitten off…”

Tweet of the Day: @TheOnion

Given my recent post waxing nostalgic and all sentimental on the subject of fatherhood, including references to the common fears that seem to come with the job…

…this TOTALLY cracked me up!

Reason #258 Why I Love Bellingham: Elf Karate

Little known fact: J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, was a martial arts practitioner, and in 1967, still obsessed with the world of Middle Earth he’d created for his books, he traveled to Bellingham, Washington, where he’d heard his books had a cult following, and there he founded his own, very specialized school of Karate.

elf-karate

The Jurassic World-Jaws Connection

jurassic_worldSo, I went with friends to see Jurassic World this past Saturday, helping it smash the opening weekend box office record, despite my declaration back in December 2012 that I’m not a fan of the AmusementParkRideIfication of movies.

What can I say? I was in the mood for some unapologetic eye candy.

Anyway, while I knew going in that Steven Spielberg — Director of the first two Jurassic Park movies and Executive Producer of the third — was the Executive Director of Jurassic World, what I never expected was such an explicit thread connecting 2015’s Jurassic World and Spielberg’s second film and breakout blockbuster hit from exactly 40 years ago, 1975’s Jaws.

There are two references to Jaws in Jurassic World (spoiler alert!):

  1. In a fairly early scene in the movie, we see a Sea World-esque exhibit at the Jurassic World amusement park, where a Great White shark is lowered over the water to lure a gigantic Mosasaurus to burst through the surface, into the air, and swallow the shark whole.
  2. At the climax of the movie, our heroes are trapped, and the youngest among them, the middle school dinosaur savant, recites the line, “We need more teeth.”

The first reference is obvious enough. They could have used any number of very large animals as bait for the Mosasaurus, but they chose a shark.

The second reference, however, may not be as obvious, but I recognized it immediately, because it refers to one of the most oft-quoted lines from the heavily quoted Jaws.

As seen in the clip below, Roy Scheider‘s Martin Brody, upon seeing the shark up close and personal for the first time, reports to Robert Shaw‘s Quint, “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”

Both “We need more teeth.” and “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” suggest that more of something is needed for the characters’ survival, and they both foreshadow the climaxes of their respective movies.

In the case of the former, the line gives Bryce Dallas Howard‘s Claire the idea to let the Tyrannosaurus Rex out of its paddock to fight the Indominus Rex, allowing them to escape. In the case of the latter, the boat does indeed prove to be too small, rammed and torn apart by the Great White, killing Quint, and nearly killing Brody and Richard Dreyfuss‘s Matt Hooper.

Coming full circle, back to my declaration about the AmusementParkRideIfication of movies, I’m inclined to stand by that characterization, but I feel like, in the two and a half years since I made that declaration, I no longer feel like condemning such movies outright.

Thoughtful, more cerebral films continue to be made, and as long as the amusement park ride is fun, which Jurassic World decidedly is, why should I complain?

Video Fridays: Monty Python & The Holy Grail

monty-python-grailIn the early days of my Video Fridays series, I was apologetic about posting Monty Python clips so often.

But then, a funny thing happened, not ha-ha funny, but odd-that funny: I haven’t posted a Python clip since September 2012.

What the what?! That’s crazy! This must be rectal … I mean … um … rectified!

And so it shall be.

Back in April, a longtime friend from our days growing up in New Jersey emailed me and the rest of our Jersey gang, he’s a member of the Writers Guild of America, the Guild is compiling a list of the 101 Funniest Screenplays, and he asked us to name our suggestions, hoping we might trigger some memories of movies that he had overlooked, and, without hesitation, the very first movie that I named was Monty Python & The Holy Grail.

Comedy is an amalgam of various elements, chief amongst them are physical gestures, writing and/or improvisation, and the timing of the delivery of written or improvised lines, and it seems to me that the measure of a great screenplay is how quotable the writing is, and I while I can certainly think of other quotable comedies, I have personally quoted Monty Python & The Holy Grail FAR more often, by magnitudes, than any other movie, comedy or otherwise.

From the following scene alone, the famous Killer Bunny scene, the number of lines that I have committed to memory and have recited in social interactions are too numerous to estimate accurately.

And so, presented now for your enjoyment, the Killer Bunny scene in all its glory … um … any moment now … on a count of three, no more, no less, three shalt be the number I shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt I not count, neither shalt I count two, excepting that I then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached then shalt thou click the Holy Play Button, so that thou canst view the video presentation.

Here we go … ready? … one, two, five … no, three!!!

Happy Weekend, everyone!

Late Night TV Bandleader/Sidekick: Part II

THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH JAMES CORDENThis morning I posted this week’s Video Fridays installment, in which I touched on the late night TV talk show Host, Bandleader, and Sidekick roles, in response to the announcement yesterday that Jon Batiste will be Stephen Colbert’s bandleader on the new Late Show, coming this September.

My post was never meant to be an exhaustive exposé on the subject, and so my references to late night TV talk shows were far from inclusive, leaving out two shows in particular: Jimmy Kimmel Live! and The Late Late Show.

In my post, I mentioned that some late night shows have a bandleader AND a sidekick, while on others the bandleader doubles as the sidekick, and by coincidence, shortly after I posted that, I came across a piece on Salon.com this morning with the headline:

Reggie Watts, the weirdest guy on late night TV: How “The Late Late Show” bandleader is redefining the sidekick role

If you aren’t familiar with Reggie Watts, it is well worth your time to go on a YouTube binge, or check out back episodes from the show Reggie is leaving, Comedy Bang! Bang!, seasons 1-3 of which are now on Netflix.

And, since it’s still Video Fridays, and since we’re on the subject of late night TV talk shows, here’s a clip of Reggie doing his thing on Conan:

Video Fridays: Welcome to Late Night TV, Jon Batiste!

Jonathan Batiste and Stay HumanThere are traditionally, with a few exceptions, three primary personality roles in the late night talk show format: Host, Sidekick, and Bandleader.

Sometimes there’s a sidekick and a bandleader, like Ed McMahon & Doc Severinsen, from the Johnny Carson era Tonight Show; Conan O’Brien‘s Andy Richter & Max Weinberg; or Steve Higgins and Questlove, from Jimmy Fallon‘s Late Night and Tonight Show, but sometimes the bandleader is also the sidekick, like Paul Shaffer from David Letterman‘s Late Night and The Late Show, and Fred Armisen from the Seth Meyers incarnation of Late Night.

However these duties are allocated, it is an enduring formula for sure, and hosts, sidekicks, and bandleaders are high-profile gigs that, for many who have held these positions, marked career peaks.

With the departure of Late Show host David Letterman, we’ve known for over a year now that Dave would be replaced as host by former Colbert Report star Stephen Colbert, but today it was announced that Paul Shaffer’s replacement as bandleader will be…

…um, who the HELL is Jon Batiste?!

Embarrassingly, before today, I’d never heard of Mr. Batiste: embarrassing, because he’s a Julliard-trained member of a distinguished New Orleans musical family, and his music, a typically bluesy-funky New Orleans-style jazz, is something I enjoy VERY much.

It’s a huge boost in exposure for someone who has already garnered considerable critical acclaim, and the only downside is that Jon Batiste and his band, Stay Human, will be on The Late Show at the same time as The Roots are on the Tonight Show, forcing viewers to choose one over the other … or DVR one or the other on a regular basis.

I can’t embed it here, but Batiste’s appearance on The Colbert Report gives a nice preview of the chemistry they have together, and the videos I do have here, for this week’s Video Fridays installment, include today’s announcement, and a clip of a Jon Batiste & Stay Human performance that is guaranteed to get you excited that they will be on TV on a VERY regular basis starting in September.

Enjoy, and Happy Weekend, everyone!