Since I’m always on the lookout for my ideal music collaborator, I’m a regular reader of the Craigslist musicians section.
The ads in this section, very regularly, are cringe-inducing, either for just how far they are from my ideal, how far they are from reality, or both.
An example of something that meets both of these criteria might read something like this (fictionalization by me):
Are you ready to rock?!
40-something metal heads looking for bandmates to write songs and kick ass! Influences include: Slayer, Megadeath, Anthrax, and Pantera.
We’ve been playing guitar for two years and are ready to bang our heads all the way to fame and fortune.
Need bass player, drummer, road manager, and groupies.
Then, occasionally, someone else who reads these things regularly posts a parody ad and just nails it.
This morning, I read one of those, and just had to share:
i am looking to become a rich and famous musician, but i don’t really want to ever practice, but i have a plan on how i can accomplish my goal with your help.
step one: if you play an instrument meet at cornwall park at noon on saturday with your instrument
step two: start a band with the other people who show up with their instruments
step three: get a record deal or something
step four: receive awards, make millions, and give me 10% for being the founding member.
thank you for your time and money