Damn You, Memory Foam Pillow!

Listen people! Don’t fall for the hype!

Being told that memory foam was developed by NASA doesn’t help one bit when you lay your head down, night after miserable night, on what feels like a sack of brown sugar in a pillow case.

Yeah, the gal in the photo to the right looks like she’s sleeping peacefully, but it’s a frickin’ photo shoot! Are the lights out? No! Who goes to bed with all that makeup on? I’ll tell ya who…no one!

Oh, and the creepy, disembodied hand behind her is obviously unsure and on to something.

The other night, at bedtime, I complained to my wife about my memory foam pillow and the following exchange occurred:

Me: This memory foam pillow is SUCH a ripoff! It’s flat and hard!

The Mrs.: It’s not a ripoff. It has memory. It’s just really good at remembering being flat.

Me: Yeah, memory has something to do with it. For instance, when my non-sleeping head is on my memory foam pillow, all kinds of memories of foam come to me, buzzing around in my head, keeping me awake, like that time when I sat on that foam cushion on the deck chair, and the vinyl cover of the cushion had tears in it and it had rained hard the night before, so that when I sat on it my butt got soaked, all the way through my underwear.

The Mrs. Or it makes you remember those flotation devices for swimming children, the foam egg, and how it actually kept you pinned beneath it with your face in the water, and no matter which way you tried to roll or squirm, you ended up popping back into the face-down-in-the-water position! How can anyone sleep with memories of near-drowning involuntarily conjured up?

Me: Exactly!