I Have G.A.S.

g.a.s.So, as I’ve mentioned before, I play guitar and sing in a Rock & Roll band.

What I have not mentioned before, however, is that, like many other musicians, I suffer for my art. More specifically, I suffer from G.A.S., AKA Guitar Acquisition Syndrome.

And while the Wikipedia definition describes G.A.S. thusly:

…a term used to describe an urge to acquire and accumulate lots of [guitars].

…I have what I’d argue is a more painful version of G.A.S., wherein the intense “urge to acquire” is not accompanied by sufficient enough funds to actually make the acquisitions.

Imagine, then, the excruciating pangs of G.A.S. I experienced when I came across the Rolling Stone Magazine 2012 Guitar Gift Guide, accompanied by this saliva-inducing piece of XXX-rated guitar porn:


People, that right there is an accumulated total of $6,500 worth of guitar heaven (from left to right): Fender American Vintage 1964 Telecaster, Fender Jaguar, Martin 00-DB, Epiphone Limited Edition Riviera Custom P93.

Naturally, as a G.A.S. sufferer, I have, at one time or another, longed for every.single.one, most recently the Telecaster, ever since I celebrated it’s 60th birthday back in March 2011.

Now, I should point out two caveats:

  1. If I had to quibble, I would actually prefer a maple fretboard on the Telecaster.
  2. I actually own an Epiphone Dot, a cousin of the Riviera pictured here, and I’m currently upgrading some components that will bring it closer to the quality you’d get with the Riviera. (Though, sadly, I’m not able to spring for the nearly $100 Bigsby tremolo tailpiece.)

Well, there it is. My G.A.S.sy confession.

I know it stinks of shameless materialism, and yet, in light of recent events, I think the world would be much improved if more people suffered from Guitar Acquisition Syndrome rather than that other form of G.A.S., Gun Acquisition Syndrome.

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