So, when I came across the following “news” item, my first now-regrettable response was that I should start a new Recurring Series here at Fish & Bicycles, featuring real articles that read like, but are not, articles from the news parody website The Onion.
I’m sure it’s not an original thought, but man, when I find examples of this, it really is hard to believe that these are real stories.
Today’s discovery, via Salon:
Man turns face into tattoo billboard for Internet porn sites, regrets it
Before legally changing his name to “Hostgator Dotcom,” Billy Gibby called himself “Billy the Billboard” because of his willingness to tattoo brand logos on his face and body. After receiving sums in the range of $75 – $1,000, Gibby (Dotcom?) tattooed the logos for several Internet porn sites on his face.
And now he really, really regrets it…
Gibby is hoping to remove the 20 tattoos covering his face. But in order to afford the expensive laser surgery, he needs a better job. But because of his facial tattoos, he is pretty unemployable, he told the Press.
So he is auctioning off more advertising space on his body to finance the procedure.
“I have space on my arms, hands, chest and the legs,” Gibby told the Huffintgon Post.
And so I was all set to laugh at Billy Gibby, and I even considered including a photo of him in this post, but then I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
If you read the whole piece you find that he has a serious mental health problem and a, gulp, family of seven to support, and it’s just unbearably sad.
I don’t know anyone who hasn’t made a mistake and felt the pain of embarrassment or even shame, and so my heart goes out to Billy, I regret my original impulse, and I hope that he finds peace.