Things typically get quiet around here, at Fish & Bicycles, around the December holidays, but if you read my last post, titled Awareness vs. Self-Preservation, it was likely pretty obvious that I was struggling with the weight of the world.
So, I took a break from blogging.
Thinking about it now, a few weeks later, I feel no small amount of embarrassment for having assumed that it was both humanly possible AND my responsibility to attempt to carry the weight of the world.
The several comments I got, from readers generous enough to take the time to offer suggestions, reminded me that like so many things in life, awareness vs. self-preservation is an artificial mental construct. There actually is no such choice to be made unless we irrationally convince ourselves otherwise.
Rather, both things are desirable. Awareness is good and badly needed, AND humans need self-care, indeed self-preservation, in order to use that awareness, to notice the existing good in the world and the potential for manifesting more good.
As the new year approaches, I don’t currently have plans for any formal resolution-setting process, but I have set one goal, and that is to take better care of myself, that I might be better able to take care of others.
I’ve mentioned here numerous times over the years that I am a musician, and since, historically, one dependable way of taking care of myself is to make music, more specifically to make music with other musicians, one step I’ve already taken towards taking better care of myself is to fully commit to a new music project that I’m involved in.
I’ll share more details soon about this project, but for now I’ll say that it involves the most technically challenging music I’ve ever played, requiring me to work hard at learning new things, which at the age of 51 is no easy task, it involves building wonderful new, and warm, as it turns out, relationships with band members I’ve never played with before, and, having volunteered to build the band’s online presence, I’m getting to mix in other vehicles for creativity, like graphic art and writing.
So, I’ve definitely turned a corner, getting just enough distance between me and the gloom in the world so that I can carry on, do what I can, help when I can, be there for the people in my life here and now, and even experience the joys that remain entirely possible in life.