Self Hate: GOP-Style

Headline of the Day: Not Your Ordinary Organ Transplant

adamandeveIt’s difficult to know where to start with this Headline of the Day installment, so perhaps I’ll just get right to it.

Dear readers, especially all you guys out there, brace yourselves:

Penis transplant patient to become a father

The Guardian

As cringe-worthy as the subject might be, I have to admit that I was powerless to resist reading the attending article.

And, I really wish I hadn’t, as several quotes induced sympathy pains the likes of which I’ve not experienced before and hope never to experience again.

The man’s penis was amputated three years ago after life-threatening complications arising from a botched circumcision. His penis had developed gangrene…

The man, whose identity is being kept secret, received his new penis from an organ donor in a nine-hour operation…

The professor said that even now there remains some risk of organ rejection. Evidence would include lesions on the skin…

Nine years ago, a Chinese man had a penis transplant, but his doctors removed the organ after two weeks due to “a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife”.

OWIE!!!!!!!!!

I know, it’s childish of me to exploit this man’s story for entertainment. But, I promise that I AM deeply sympathetic to what he’s been through and thrilled for him and his partner, that they were fruitful and able to multiply.

Sincerely!

Really, I mean it!!!

Headline of the Day: Frog Porn

woodfrogI really don’t think that a person necessarily has to have some kind of kinky fetish in order to read today’s Headline of the Day and find that they can’t NOT read the article:

Wood Frog Mating Is A Wet, Competitive Orgy

THROB

Then again, if a person regularly reads a blog titled THROB — and really, I don’t, really, this post just came up in a news-reading app that I use! — which offers multiple posts about animal sex, maybe this person does have a kinky fetish.

I DON’T!!!

Regardless, in the event that you didn’t feel compelled to click on the link above and read the post, it really is a pretty straightforward biology lesson, however suggestive, with, um, juicy details like…

For a male the whole goal of this competition is to get on a female’s back and stay there. Hooking his arms under hers in a characteristic hold called “amplexus”, he may hang onto her for more than 24 hours, squirting out sperm as she lays an enormous mass of eggs.

Hmmmmm. Amplexus. Interesting!

Headline of the Day: Food, Sex, Charity & The Green Frog

grilled-cheese2If you are a lover of comfort food, according to an article today at Salon, there’s a good chance that you are also a giving and prodigious lover, all made clear by today’s tantalizing Headline of the Day installment:

Study: People who love grilled cheese have more sex, are more charitable

Salon.com

Now, the photo accompanying this Salon article (shown above) is admittedly representative of what most people think of when they think of a grilled cheese sandwich.

BUT, if someone who loves this sandwich is having more sex and is more giving of themselves, just imagine the possibilities, pornographic and/or philanthropic, if this same someone was eating, on a regular basis, the AMAZING grilled cheese sandwiches available here in Bellingham, Washington at The Green Frog!

I mean, take a look at this thing of beauty!

grilled-cheese

With grilled cheese varieties like the following, off the Green Frog menu, you can guarantee that people of every possible sexual orientation and benefactor persuasion will find inspiration at this Bellingham institution:

  • The Gorgonzola – Gorgonzola, Mozzarella, Bacon, Green Apple
  • The Hamzilla!! – Swiss, provolone, piled ham slices, deli mustard
  • The Wise Guy – Mozzarella, Hot Italian Sausage, Peppers, Onions
  • The Caprese – Mozzarella, Basil, Tomato
  • The Fun Hater – Daiya Vegan Mozzarella Cheese, Red Onion, Apple
  • The Elvis – Cheddar, Peanut Butter, Bacon, Banana
  • The American Pie – Cheddar, red apple, cinnamon, bourbon maple syrup

Bon Appétit!!!

Bill Clinton Deserved The Portrait He Got

Bill-Clinton-PortraitSo, I’m late getting to this, but I’ve been thinking about it on and off since the news broke.

Two days ago, artist Nelson Shanks admitted that when, in 2006, he painted a portrait of then former President of the United States (POTUS) Bill Clinton, he included in the portrait a reference to the Monica Lewinsky scandal that led to Clinton becoming only the second president in history to be impeached by the U.S. House of Representatives.

In the portrait, pictured here, you can easily see the reference, and Shanks explained the reference to the media thusly:

“If you look at the left-hand side of it there’s a mantle in the Oval Office and I put a shadow coming into the painting and it does two things,” Shanks said. “It actually literally represents a shadow from a blue dress that I had on a mannequin, that I had there while I was painting it, but not when he was there.”

The shadow “is also a bit of a metaphor in that it represents a shadow on the office he held, or on him,” Shanks said.

Full Disclosure: I’m NOT a social or political conservative. I am an unapologetic liberal.

And yet, Clinton’s affair with his intern Monica Lewinsky, and how he responded to getting caught, caused me to lose all respect for the man whom I twice voted for.

Right wingers like to smear liberals by suggesting that, in addition to all kinds of sins and transgressions, we’re just fine with people sleeping around and having affairs. Not true.

So, since I’m not a fan of the religion’s judgmental rubber stamp known as “sin”, let me explain why I objected to Bill Clinton’s behavior and why he lost my respect, with this list of reasons, in no particular order:

  • I don’t think stupid people should be President of the United States, and any man or woman who has made it through the court of public opinion and the media gauntlet involved in running for any office — Clinton was elected Arkansas Attorney General, Governor of Arkansas five times, and, of course POTUS — knowing all that that entails and how under the spotlight and microscope these offices are, and yet chooses anyway to have an affair with an intern…in the White House!!!…is stupid, Rhodes Scholarship notwithstanding, and should not be chief executive and commander in chief of the most powerful country in the world. The affair was, of course, wrong for other reasons, for example…
  • When people get married they are making a solemn vow to commit to another human being, until death do they part, and it’s a beautiful thing to do, not because the bible or some other religious document says so, but because marriage is a powerful contradiction to how humans otherwise see each other as replaceable and expendable. And if our president breaks his wedding vow, how do we know, then, how seriously he takes his oath of office? Some might argue that human beings can be failures at relationships but geniuses and very effective and successful in other areas of their lives, maybe that’s true, but I still don’t approve and they still lose my respect.
  • When you are the most powerful man in the world and you have an affair with an intern, you obviously have no clue about the relationship between privilege, sexism, and oppression. This man should not be POTUS, and when, under another oath, this man characterized the affair as “I did not have sex with that woman!” because, reportedly, only oral sex was involved, well, that’s just disgusting insult to injury and a disgrace to the office.

Now, it should be noted that many news outlets reported this story incorrectly, referring to the Shanks portrait as the official presidential portrait, which it decidedly is not.

While the Shanks portrait, as mentioned, painted in 2006, five years after Clinton had left office, IS part of the permanent collection at the National Portrait Gallery (though currently in storage), the official presidential portrait was painted by artist Simmie Knox, commissioned in 2000, while Clinton was still in office, completed in 2002, and it now hangs in the East Wing of the White House.

I’m not naturally inclined to hold grudges, but at least for now, I still think Bill Clinton deserved the portrait he got. He abused his power, he lied, he was stupid, and we need SO much more than that from our president.

If the polarized, dysfunctional, corrupted state of our government didn’t have such dire consequences, if we weren’t entrenched in perpetual war, doing nothing substantial about climate change, and allowing the wealthiest 0.1% to own as much as 90% of the population does, combined, I might be more forgiving.

Adventures In Graph Innuendo

Listen, either I’m the biggest pervert in the world, or many, many minds should be blown by the fact that the following graph actually made it past the editors of Forbes.com and onto the interwebs, accompanying an article titled How Successful People Squash Stress.

stressgraph

How does this happen?!

How can anyone look at that graph and not see what I see, and I’m not even on the staff of a fairly prestigious publication, where people get paid good money to know stuff about the power of imagery, symbolism, and suggestiveness?

I mean, even with my rudimentary Photoshop skills, it was obvious to me that all I had to do was remove the erect penis in order for this to be a perfectly respectable visual aide for the article!

stressgraph2

The most unfortunate thing, of course, is that what Travis Bradberry writes in this piece is actually quite good and contains very helpful information that could increase the wellbeing of a lot of people.

Hopefully, it still will, once we’ve all stopped laughing.